Learning from Chaos

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. No, I haven’t forgotten about this blog. Life just has a nasty way of intervening. A great deal has been going on in my life since I last posted. Problems were piling up—anxieties, identity issues, health issues, emotional rollercoasters, poor nights of sleep—to a point my body finally gave up on me.

Shaking from exhaustion, wavering from abdominal discomfort, and throwing up water I attempted to drink, I called on a friend to help me go to the ER on March 6th (last Sunday).

I had never felt these things happen to me before. I even had two occasions of tingling in my hands paired with some dizziness. With some knowledge from the internet along with my Crohn’s, I suspected a partial bowel obstruction. My body, luckily, had not made it to that point. It did, however, suffer from dehydration, a stomach flu, and a small flare in my Crohn’s. A nurse put in an IV around noon and I was dispatched around 7pm the same day.

My recovery came slow and, arguably, is still in progress.

Monday and Tuesday I felt my energy and strength returning. Wednesday, however, took a turn. I woke up shaking a bit and dizzy. I figured I merely didn’t get a good enough night’s sleep as I tend to get dizzy with exhaustion. I emailed my teachers I wouldn’t be in for my morning class and laid back in bed. I didn’t feel better after resting, something else was wrong.

Somehow, I fumbled my way through Google to find that low potassium levels could cause symptoms like those I was experiencing. Knowing I had been low in potassium before and knowing I needed potassium due to losing so much during my vomiting sessions, I ate a banana and soon found my shaking to begin to dull. But, I continued to have strange symptoms and ended up calling my gastroenterologist. I found out my Crohn’s flare was just taking a slightly different form than normal. I have been lucky, however, as no symptoms are major by any means.

One thing after another, after another. Chaos. No matter how much we try to minimize and streamline our life, we will be thrown into storms of life.

I can’t claim to know exactly why this happened, but I know it was definitely an exercise in trusting God. My exhaustion did drown some of the panic, though during my own prayers God reminded me He would pull me through. While we often don’t see why we went through things, something dramatically good did wash in after the storm.

I am on a temporary dose of Prednisone until I return home to secure a more permanent medication. Both my doctor and my insurance company jumped on the idea of Remicade, a three-hour, bimonthly transfusion as I felt extreme hesitation.

To give some backstory, I hate IV needles with a passion. They hurt me, even once in properly. Sitting three hours in pain while medication drips into my veins sent me into minor panic, to say the least. Yet, after this experience, I felt peace about it. I remembered sitting in that ER room that Sunday with the water dripping into me at a quick pace. The only pain coming with the initial prick and occasional discomfort if I bent my arm. Nothing major, nothing that required panicking.

I’m not afraid anymore.

I can do this.

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